You know... I lost track of time more easily now than I ever did before. It seems like the six months since I have been living in Thailand has flown by, I look back and I miss every moment I don't remember. I miss all the times I was too stunned by the beauty or the horror to take pictures of. It seems like the months have passed in a colorful blur. Where my idea of reality before I came has mixed with the reality in which I now live in... a reality that I love.

Its wierd to look back on this culture... and my experience of it. Its surreal to think that it will come to an end June 13th as I board and internation flight leaving Bangkok to head back to San Fransico and to the good old USA. Its wierd to think of my old life... a life that I feel is no longer mine in a way. I left a diffrent person than I am now... and I wonder if the place I left isn't ready to accept the new me.

The reason this entry fills my deviantart journal rather than my much overused regular blog? Becuase what started this train of thought in my mind is the fact that I've also lost touch with my art. As if it was linked to that person I was. A person I can't get back... a person I don't want back. I look at my sketchbook, a sad reminder that I used to always have one with me, filled with endless pages of doodles that few people other than myself ever saw. I look at it now, and the spark doesn't light up in me.. doesn't force me to draw something anything in that journal, wether it be just designs or sketches for characters that are always dancing in my head.

I feel empty... and I don't know how to fix it...
I don't know if I can fix it...

alex

I'm in Thailand.. For those of you who care and don't know. The issue is that I have to much free time and no scanner. I have piles of art waiting and waiting and waiting for a scanner. Sadly none to be found,Which means no updating of the art till I either find one, or buy a new one. Which is a depressing thought.

Thailand is beautiful though. You'll find more pictures now prolly than art because I'm becoming a camera fanatic. I take my digital everywhere and take pictures. I've been here 6 weeks and I've taken close to 500 pictures. Rather scary number I think...

Pictures rather than art. And more than likely some writing thrown in just to mix it up. I wouldn't have shared it before... but I'm becoming more confident that people aren't going to bash me. So no bashing please. I might cry.. and take pictures just to make everyone feel bad.

Anywho.
Loving thailand... and hating it all at the same time.
Alex aka undiluted-junk

Whats funny is that I now spend alot more time online now that I actually don't have internet. maybe its because I'm always waiting impatiently for my info from thailand. Really I mean every night I come down here just to SEE if anything new is in my inbox. I've actually got in contact with some really cool people though.

It seems Korat, my hosting city in thailand is killer fun. Its mega huge... which will be awesome since I live in a little town that smells of fish most of the time. This chick who I'm talking to who is currenly in thailand says that korat is amazing!... It has killer clubs... which is an uber fun thought. *grins*

I heard from another person that it also has really REALLY neat Irish pubs. Which is kinda amazing!... Thailand... irish pubs. Just doesn't add up. But yeah. Supposidly they have this mega fountain statue thing called something-or-other-Mo and its a lady that saved the city and that everyone around it Wai's it!... Which sounds intrueging. I'm just so excited to leave now.

Me, and my fellow thailand outbounds were talking about that. We are all just like. "put us on a plane. Right now... were SO ready to leave" which is so true. I'm counting down the days till I leave and they days till school is out.

Whats funny is that it seems like its slowing down now. Time just jumped by me since october. Really it did. I remember hearing the news... then wham-bam-thank-you-maam its MAY! MAY!... I leave in friggin less than three months!...!!!!!

OMFG!!!!

I know almost next no thai. Like at all. I know how to say "hello my name is alex", "nevermind" "i'm tierd" and "I am americian"... I'm panicing to say the least. And on top of it all I missed a week of school because of my rotary district confrence!!!! My stress level is about topping out here!.. sericously. Hence the face that i"M way to tierd and Mad at myself for procrastinating to post any art tonight. But tommorrow hopefully I shall get a few things scanned.

au revior. loagoon.

-Z

You know its really releiving to know where I'm going for rotary, but at the same time its just as nerve wracking. I'm going to Thailand next year, and I'm uber excited, but scared shitless.

Thai is an incrediable hard language to learn. It has something like 74 letters. And the alphabet looks like wild sperm on paper. No joke. I actually read that in a book and it so suits it too. I mean sheesh.

Thailand is so amazing though. I've been reading everything I can get my hands on and I've just become more and more fascinating. Its even distracting me from my lack of internet. Which is saying alot for it. *Grins* but yeah.

I've just uploaded a few things. My scanners crap so I had to scrap my newest Luna sketch. It lives there so check it out now. I added harry, tonks, and mulan. Don't ask me where I got mulan from but I did. Anywho.

and fainally, Thanks to usagistu for mentioning me in her last journal for my snape which was a rabid fan girl drawing just for her.

-ud

Well I actually got to scan something today!.. Yah for me! It my snape charcoal. That I"m happy with actually. Well mostly happy at least. But yeah.

I'm dealing with still not having fucking internet. Its driving me nuts. So currently I'm smooshing my mom's work computer and all the perks it comes with. Including the scanner. So yeah. Don't be suprised if I'm not around for a couple more weeks.. maybe months with my luck.. or years.. *shivers* Bad thoughts.

but yeah. Two weeks before I find out where I get to go next year. I'm so excited about it. Even though it involves four days of kissing ass and the RPS(the RotaryPlasticSmile). But yeah.... I'm planning on actually using my deviantart account now!.. Yah for me *cheers*

-Zaraphena