You know... I lost track of time more easily now than I ever did before. It seems like the six months since I have been living in Thailand has flown by, I look back and I miss every moment I don't remember. I miss all the times I was too stunned by the beauty or the horror to take pictures of. It seems like the months have passed in a colorful blur. Where my idea of reality before I came has mixed with the reality in which I now live in... a reality that I love.

Its wierd to look back on this culture... and my experience of it. Its surreal to think that it will come to an end June 13th as I board and internation flight leaving Bangkok to head back to San Fransico and to the good old USA. Its wierd to think of my old life... a life that I feel is no longer mine in a way. I left a diffrent person than I am now... and I wonder if the place I left isn't ready to accept the new me.

The reason this entry fills my deviantart journal rather than my much overused regular blog? Becuase what started this train of thought in my mind is the fact that I've also lost touch with my art. As if it was linked to that person I was. A person I can't get back... a person I don't want back. I look at my sketchbook, a sad reminder that I used to always have one with me, filled with endless pages of doodles that few people other than myself ever saw. I look at it now, and the spark doesn't light up in me.. doesn't force me to draw something anything in that journal, wether it be just designs or sketches for characters that are always dancing in my head.

I feel empty... and I don't know how to fix it...
I don't know if I can fix it...

alex